Open Letter to anyone but Bob Dylan and Hakeem Olajuwon

Open Letter to anyone but Bob Dylan and Hakeem Olajuwon

To Whom It may concern:

Stop it with the microscopic spiders under my skin. I have burned my pillow as a warning and placed it in the window so you know that I know. But it still didn’t stop. I know they come out of the phone jack, I see the trail of salt you laid out and understand the secret designs you have place on my carpet.
And in regard to the lizard music: I don’t buy it. Yes, I enjoy Hot Pockets and Popcorn, but enough is enough! The snow of the TV does not scare me. I know it is only a smoke screen, and although I don’t speak Russian, some of the messages are very clear to me. I will not bathe rather than shower. I will not shave only the right side or only the left side of my face. I am a member of the Nations Millennium General Assembly. I understand the Discovery channel. I know not to wear metallic perfume.
As you can see, the poisoned cereal did not take effect. I know the eggs are plastic replicas. I know about masks and I know about daggers.
The research at the library about Tibet was indispensable to the greater understanding of mechanization: RE: the bicycle.
I have overcome my fear of Smokey links, though I know the United Dairymen of Arizona are a part of Latino Mafia. You can no longer pull the wool over my eyes. I will not be made a puppet of. Stop peering in my mailbox at 3AM (I can feel you do that) Stop making my candles smaller day by day and depleting my supply of cat food.
And since the barber has been persuaded in your direction, I will cease and desist from any cutting of hair.

I know.

p.s.: the moon

p.p.s .: “Don’t ask me how many I’ve married, ask me how many I’ve buried”

Thanking Very Sincerely

A Fan

 

 

copyright 1995 jonathan bond

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